How I work

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Personal change takes time and has its own schedule. We can't predict exactly what will happen when we work together, nor by when it will happen, but we can isolate a period of time within which we will improve things.

Sometimes that bubble of time is really tiny: I'll see you or your team just the once and then it's over to you. Sometimes the bubble of time we create is giant-sized: I work with you over a period of months.

If you're funding your coaching yourself we will define the number of sessions upfront and if you're commissioning some team development we define the period of time within which you want the goals to be achieved. Either way this means that not only can you budget your money effectively but we have a bubble of time within which we know we're working.

Bubbles also stretch and shear before they pop and our time bubble is the same - if we need to adapt as we go along or stretch a session here or there that's fine. I don't clock watch. The important thing is that we have a focus.

I hope that all sounds very sensible and practical so far but read on if you have the time...

Often our experience of time doesn’t match what the clock says. Phrases like “Time flies when you’re having fun” and “That meeting dragged on” come to mind. Most of us also experience the years flying by faster the older we get - and I have it on good account from the septua-, octo- & nonagenarians I’ve talked to that that pace becomes super-charged. There’s fascinating research around how the brain perceives moments in time (apparently a ‘moment’ may well be 2-3 seconds) and of course Einstein tells us that time is relative on a more fundamental level.

So what?

It’s simple. In the context of how I work, I don’t avidly clock watch because the clock isn’t a reliable measure of human experience*. Things may speed up and slow down within a single coaching session, and across a year-long programme of workshops there are often exciting months that fly by and intense days that slow down.

But more than this, I think it’s tricky to try and get ‘efficient’ about the more profound human experiences: I don’t think Mendelssohn’s Violin Voncerto in E minor would sound any better done at a faster pace - there’s a lot of stuff that just can’t be rushed.

The important thing is that we maximise our time together by, well, not measuring it.

*Please note that my fiancé needs me home eventually.

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OK, so the 'isolation' bit of 'playful isolation' doesn't mean that you and I will literally isolate ourselves. (Unless there’s a zombie apocalypse - then that might be advisable). What it does mean though is that, once we've put the outside world on pause, I'm going to do what it takes to make the space we create together focussed, productive and all about you.

It doesn't matter whether we're meeting in a coffee shop, having a session in a therapy suite or getting together with your team at a venue away from your office - it's your time.

Sometimes a coachee might get the tough love: a metaphorical slap if you're spiralling into negativity. Being truly there for you occasionally means that I have to do away with superificial politeness. Apologies in advance for not molly-coddling you. But no apologies for helping you to move forward.

At other times it's others who might be on the receiving end of some gentle toughness. For example, I don't mind being the one to tell your colleagues not to interrupt our group. This sometimes means the big boss (who I don't necessarily recognise from their website pic) gets asked to come back when there's a break but, hey, as an outsider I can get away with that a little bit more easily than you.

I might even be your wing man when you need to have that difficult meeting with your immediate boss. With three of us sat at the table I really don't mind being the messenger if you think the messenger might get shot. Worse case scenario a virtual stranger gets irritated with what I tell them and you keep your job; best case scenario and an important message finally gets through and we move your organistion forward.

Wherever the challenge comes from, your development matters to me and I'm protective of the precious time we have together.

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They say you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. I say you can’t make a new life without smashing a few preconceptions. When the word “creativity” is mentioned, a lot of people might automatically think about paintings, songs and other works of art. But creativity is also about seeing things a different way and breaking out of old habits: which is arguably the long process that great artists like Dali, Picasso and Miro had to first go through to produce their own great works of art.

Whether it’s using metaphors in a coaching session to help us look at things a different way, or using story-telling as a framework for moving things forward, or working with imagery and the subconscious in a hypnotherapy session, there’s a creative aspect to any approach I use. I also seem to be good at spotting the patterns (and inconsistencies) in what people say; this usually leads to better decision-making.

I love it if you look out the window while I’m talking!

I don’t demand that people focus on me 100% of the time. To be required to ‘pay attention to teacher’ is a very old fashioned and stilted way of learning. In fact, brief moments of down-time, mind-wandering and day-dreaming are crucial for identifying the similarities & differences between what’s being discussed and your current way of looking at things. Assimilating new ideas into established ways of thinking can only happen if you have these moments to think creatively about the bigger picture.

So the sessions I run are developed with personal reflection in mind: a framework of questions is built into most activities that - maybe even without a conscious recognition of it - is encouraging the mental work that could lead to new insights. Whatever activities I get you/ your group to do are designed with one thing in mind: how can we get an increased chance of learning something meaningful and applicable?

And then there are the tangible outputs...

Each person, group and organisation is different. This is good news for me as it means I have to regularly come up with new ideas, engaging exercises, bespoke materials, fresh infographics, current research and/ or topical anecdotes, in order to create something that will convey key messages in a relevant, exciting and accessible way.

I also encourage people to be creative with their own outputs: if you need something to jog your memory to make a change more likely, then your own acronym, metaphor, image, or motto will be even more meaningful, memorable and motivating for you.

Sometimes, a twenty year old management framework or acronym will do just fine for getting a message across. Why reinvent the wheel? But, just occasionally, nothing but a hovercraft will do.

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So why not just speak to a friend rather than get a coach? Or get someone internal to your business to run your workshop for you? Well much as friends and family love you, those close to you may value different things, might be wary of telling you what they really think or you might be concerned about worrying them. Similarly, the experts in your business might not agree with you on what workshop messages are key and people might feel awkward sharing their mistakes with them.

I make it OK for people to say whatever the heck they want.

'Isolation' is about having a safe space within which to air thoughts and share concerns. And this isn't just about objectivity and rapport: my professional ethics are drawn from the arenas of psychology & coaching and I’ve always been scrupulous about keeping confidences. Just ask... Ooops! Nearly! Seriously though, I'm the sort of person that people trust with their secrets and who they off-load to when no-one else will listen.

But there's a maintaining of your safety in a wider sense too: the safety of your emotional self, your ego and your psychological health.

I'm sometimes shocked to hear about people who have set themselves up as coaches on a whim and are dealing with a client's truly profound personal issues. Just because your friends say you're a good listener and you once gave someone some advice that worked out well for them, does not make you qualified to handle deep-rooted self-esteem issues, tears, anger, withdrawal or admissions of dubious moral choices. Thankfully these situations crop up only occassionally, but wouldn't you rather the person sat across from you (or the person you've sent to me) is someone ready and able to deal with these things...?

Your space is kept safe because you can trust that there’s years of knowledge and experience being used to effectively gauge when letting off steam is needed, knowing when to interrupt to keep things focussed, and being comfortable with whatever is said & whatever emotions come up.

Even after we're together I'm maintaining this safety by using a coaching supervisor for my ongoing personal and professional development, and to ensure that I stay grounded when helping my clients deal with tough, challenging situations.

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I want to help others find the same fun in life that I experience - assuming that’s what they want of course. But, just as importantly, having a playful attitude, a childlike inquisitiveness (call it what you will) is necessary for getting away from hobbling negative thinking and instead opening yourself up to the creative solutions that have not yet presented themselves to you.

Fun really should be taken seriously. It’s far too important to play down. I think that for too long really useful stuff has been defined as ‘fluffy’ and enjoyment of life has been regarded as secondary to hard work. I say forget that and take play more seriously. Better still, why not put the best aspects of work and play together? Play time - travelling, going to concerts, spending more time with friends, learning to paint, making a cake for the heck of it etc. etc. etc. - is important enough to need its own goals, and work can be so much more than churning out the same old stuff if playfulness can be harnessed to identify new ways to be productive.

I don't think that a fantastic life happens by accident. I don't think a career is successful if you've never shared a laugh with your colleagues. And I don’t think you’ve grown up until you’ve been able to giggle unashamedly (probably at something silly) during a really serious moment.

I do think that laughter is the best cure and that taking things too seriously is more immature than allowing yourself to be childlike once in a while.

How does this come across in the way I work? First and foremost expect us to have a laugh along the way. I’ll hardly be joking around all the time but I will be looking out for that glint in your eye that says you’ve been tickled by something too. Secondly, expect me to share the funny side of things with you - if happiness is what it’s all about, then I’m not going to have our time together defined by just the unhappy stuff. Finally, expect to have it suggested to you that life's too serious to waste time not enjoying it.

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You'd expect someone in my role to pick up a few models, tools and techniques along the way - and through the variety of work I've done with groups and individuals over 20+ years I've amassed quite a few. These inform what I do, how I do it and what I want to share with people to help improve their lives .

In some situations, using just the one tool is appropriate: you've got a nail, so use a hammer. But what if you've got a screw to screw, or a whole building to build? I've found that many consultants and coaches only offer you a glimpse of the vast library of human knowledge by sticking to what they know or to the one licenced model that they've made their USP.

I just don't see why you should be told 'this is the box you get and you have to fit into it'.

While we’re working on a topic I’ll be keeping an eye on the bigger picture (doing so comes easily to me). This means I can suggest a different path if we need it and 'download' whatever is likely to be helpful to us in any particular moment.

I seek to provide heaps of flexibility and so everything is worked around you, for you.

Taking a flexible approach like this can be uncomfortable for some people - especially those that like a lot of structure and feel they need to know in advance what the exact outputs will be. If this sounds like you then we’ll need to have a good chat before beginning work together. My view is that if you think you know exactly what you want to learn in advance, then you can miss out on the unexpected stuff that’s usually more interesting.

I’m also not about lecturing. I’m super keen to share ideas with you but if you have an objective of simply wanting to gather some tips (perfectly acceptable), then Google, YouTube, TedTalks and personal study are brilliant options. I want to engage with you rather than have you just sit there, and I’d love you to think about your development being more than just ticking an attendance box.

At the core, my choices about what tools to use are based upon what will work rather than what's convenient. Driven by this desire to make things work, and frustrated at times when the tool to hand hasn't been good enough, I've also created some of my own tools and models. "The Coaching Root", "Goal constellations", "Bebe Bebe", "The Giraffe Tower", "STICKY Feedback" - the list continues to grow...